Politics and Humor (1/4/2005)

Syndicated columnist Molly Ivins says in her new book, "Who Let the Dogs In," that the best way to endure our political climate is to laugh at it. She says we have two other choices-you could cry or you could throw up, but both are bad for you, so you might as well laugh.

In fact, recent scientific studies have shown that laughter is healthy and reduces stress. On the other hand, stress causes our cells to curl up and die and makes us age faster. So to protect your health and help you at least chuckle about our current political scene, I offer the following humor about some people President Bush honored last month.

To begin with, there was Bernie Kerik, former New York City police commissioner, whom Bush selected to be U.S. secretary of homeland security. The secretary of homeland security is supposed to protect us by securing our borders to prevent illegal immigration, and by identifying and investigating criminal activity to prevent plots against our country. One would expect that the President would thoroughly vet his nominee for this crucial position. After all, the very safety of our homeland is at stake. But thanks only to press investigations, we learned about Kerik's mob ties, three wives, love nest, and suspect, if not illegal, gifts from so-called benefactors. One gift was a jewel-encrusted police badge-now that's a laugh. Would you trust someone who asked for and wore a bejeweled police badge? In another humorous story, Kerik withheld information about his children's nanny-who may be an illegal alien (Kerik said he didn't know) and for whom he did not pay federal withholding taxes. So here's a guy who's supposed to secure our borders but doesn't know if his nanny is here legally and further breaks the law by not paying taxes.

Also, Bush has just awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to three people he considered "pivotal" to his Iraqi policy. (You know the Bush policy on Iraq: we are bringing democracy and freedom to the Iraqis by blowing up their country and killing them. It's hard to convince them we are doing this for their own good. They don't appreciate it, so they counter by blowing up our bases and killing our troops.) These freedom medals were given to George Tenet, Paul Bremer, and retired General Tommy Franks. Tenet, former CIA director, was praised by Bush for helping to rebuild the CIA's capabilities. Yes, he's the one who failed to recognize the terrorist activities leading up to the September 11 attacks and who said the war in Iraq would be a 'slam dunk." Bremer, the top civilian U.S. official in postwar Iraq, oversaw the transfer of power to the interim Iraqi government. Yes, he's the guy who disbanded the Iraqi military, leaving the country with no means to defend itself from the growing and increasingly deadly insurgency. Franks oversaw the initial invasion of Iraq and Bush called him a liberator.

Now, if Bush's choices for secretary of homeland security and Medal of Freedom honorees don't make you laugh, just wait. More humor will be coming as he makes judicial nominations, fills staff positions, and talks about fiscal restraint while adding to the biggest budget deficit in our country's history. But those are topics for future commentaries. Meanwhile, keep your stress down and your health up by following Molly Ivins' advice to endure these political times by laughing.

- Judith Kohler

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